my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
