it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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