you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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