if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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