we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
