I heard we made out
2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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