He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
COCAINE IS GR8
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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