problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
