and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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