Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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