fuck your aforementioned shoe
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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