Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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