when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
i think i just lost a toe
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Randomize
