You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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