your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
