We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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