it hurts more in the daytime
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
