I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
