Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
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