if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
