i'm signing you up for texting rehab
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
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