Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
