Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
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