opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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