you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
