i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
