Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
