I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
