The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
