Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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