My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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