so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
