My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Randomize
