I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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