You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
