I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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