I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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