I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
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