yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?�
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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