What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
