There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
