I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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