i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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