I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
