So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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