You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
