i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
