I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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