I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
