Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Randomize
