I'm eating all of the evidence.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
