dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Randomize
