my vag is so smooth its legendary
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
