she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
