Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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