Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
