Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
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